I Didn’t Have My Pepper Spray


Roughly one year ago, I wore blue eyeshadow.

I wore blue eyeshadow, and I loved every second of it. It made everything feel exciting. I bought dog food and Drano and it felt exciting. We went to the movie theater. It was exciting. I drank red wine out of a plastic cup. Exciting! At the end of that post, I relayed that when I need a pick me up, it isn’t clothes that do the trick, more often, it’s makeup.

Then, I never wore colorful eyeshadow, again.

Like wearing pink or clashing colors, I had the best of intentions. I’ve dabbled, at home, privately. But none of that dabbling saw the public eye, or the eyes of Instagram.

Last weekend, I took myself on a date to see Elizabeth Gilbert on her book tour. Since my initial blue look was partly inspired by her book, Big Magic, it seemed an appropriate event for my to return to fabulous eyeshadow.

Normally, I’d launch into the full lab report, but I’m not going to do that today.

On the way to the event, I was cornered on the light rail by a drunk man. And though I clearly and loudly told him to stop touching me, to stay out of my space, and though there were people right next to us, no one intervened. It both upset me and filled me with rage. I tried writing about the experience in more detail, but it was too difficult.

So, today, I’m sharing that I wore the eyeshadow. Bright, yellow, eyeshadow.

I’ll wear it again. On a different day. I’ll bring pepper spray.